This was a huge trigger for me…

With all the self-help tools and habits I have acquired over my lifetime, it still comes as a surprise that there are such occasions in life, when I am hugely triggered by a person or a situation. While those moments also remind me that I am human and that past trauma can creep up at any time, they also show me that I still have quite a bit of work to do. Every day is a lesson learned, an experience earned.

Most of you know I am a calm, patient and very harmonious person. Very rarely do I come across someone that triggers me to the point of having to really take the time to consciously journal and address the experience. Most experiences are dealt with in the moment with some introspection and re-calibration.

Recently however, I came across such a person that triggered me to the core. It was not someone I just met for the first time, but someone I had the let’s say opportunity, to be around for over a week without a chance of retreating from our shared space. Needless to say my bells and whistles were going off and I was highly annoyed as I tried my best to not be reactive and be kind at the same time. After all, this person was very nice to me and it was not their fault that I was reacting this way. But inside of me there was a battle raging. I found myself catching my thoughts again and again and rephrasing them to a more benign version.  Somewhere down the line, let’s say day two, I realized this was not going to cut it. I had to find another practice to address this annoyance. I meditated longer; I did my heart focused breathing, and still I found myself highly agitated over their presence. Ok. Taking out the big guns; time to journal. What a barrage of words and emotions that came out on those pages! My mind was filled with anger, resentment and pain that had been trapped inside me for decades. It became clear to me that this person represented some old traumatic experiences. While these experiences were not directly related to them in my present, something in their demeanor triggered those old and suppressed emotions.

Having done a fair amount of self-awareness and healing work over the years I recognized this as an opportunity to embrace these feelings that were surfacing, wrap them in my compassionate presence and allow them to move through me. In my mind, I knew that I was no longer in that hurtful experience, that my circumstances have changed and I am blessed with kind and caring people in my life and that I have no reason to be reacting this way. In my heart however, the plain felt very different. It looked like a battlefield with random explosions of pain and betrayal going off in all directions.

I took the time to incorporate my heart centered breathing with affirmations of gratitude for having moved through that experience and for the goodness that is present around me now. I called upon my spiritual guides to help me understand, heal and move through this trauma that had been lodged in my body. I listened and connected to the pain and anguish that begun to surface as I gave it the opportunity to be heard. My belly felt as if it was on fire as I moved through the process and my breathing became labored. It took a lot of effort to allow the beginning of the release of those emotions and the acceptance of letting them go. I set the intention that I cut off any remaining chords, clear old emotions and delete old experiences that are no longer of service to me. While that helped a lot I could still feel the weight deep in my heart. Something was still unresolved.

I knew I had to engage outside help to move through this. I called my Healing Touch professional and scheduled a session. It was time to lie on the table and let her do her magic. And she did. Sometimes we need an outside person to witness our moments and help us find healing. She tapped into the feeling of unrequited love. Wow, that went back so many years! Yes, I have visited that painful space before, but this was coming from a different angle. It was every bit as excruciating as it was back then. Even taking away my strength to utter a scream of acceptance. But then all of a sudden, there was a peaceful wave that washed over me. A feeling that all is well and that while I had not gotten what I needed back then I am now surrounded by it on so many levels. I feel much better and more in control now. The experience has not been transcended yet, but it is well on its way. It takes time and I will allow it to gracefully unfold and release.  All in due time.

It is with great humbleness that I recognize the need for support and gratitude that I have such a wonderful team around me that is always there when I need them. We all need to reach out at one time or another. It is not a sign of weakness but a sign of trust and willingness to move through deep rooted hurts.

Here are some of the tools I engaged throughout this experience to help me move through this doozy. Perhaps they might come handy to you as well.

-Review, reframe, rephrase  your thoughts.
-Meditation with a focused mantra.
-Heart Focused Breathing.
-Giving gratitude for all that I have now.
-Call on my Spiritual Guides.
-Practice receiving the healing and whatever I need.
-Cut, clear, delete any left-over chords to that person.
-Healing Touch session.
-Be receptive and accept help.
-Release!

Thank you for taking the time to read.

Nourishing Blessings,